The thin line between love and hate
by sweetytweety8
Summary: Kate finds out that the line between love and hate is very thin. This takes place during episode "Nikki Heat" (3x11)


**The thin line between love and hate**

Kate Beckett didn't like Richard Castle a lot. Actually not liking someone didn't suffice the true feelings she felt for him because she just couldn't stand him. In fact, she hated him. She hated him so very much. She hated everything about him - from the way he looked to his childish behavior. She thought that he was an immature, insufferable, egotistical, self-centered jackass. Everything he did annoyed her so much. She hated his hair, his deep blue eyes, his sexy body... No, not sexy! Definitely not sexy, she thought, looking at him.

She hated Castle for so many reasons. First of all, she hated him because he was very immature. He acted so childish sometimes, okay, probably most of the time, or even more precisely - all the time. He was like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush. Kate thought that he was totally incapable of taking anything seriously. Secondly, he was also very arrogant and she just hated that side of him. Being a famous best-selling author doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be an arrogant playboy or that you should brag about anything but in Kate's opinion that wasn't the case with Castle because he just loved showing off with everything he could. He also liked going out with tons of girls, saying that he had a reputation to uphold. Kate didn't know what she hated more about Castle - his arrogance or the fact that he was a womanizer.

She hated everything about him, every little habit and everything he did annoyed her. She hated the fact that every time they would go to a crime scene Castle would get giddy and usually would say some joke that is totally not appropriate for the moment. Sometimes the joke would actually be funny but that couldn't justify his inappropriate behavior. Kate also hated that Castle liked playing a cop and wanted to participate in everything - that really annoyed her. It was very frustrating because he was having so much fun participating in every crime scene, pretending to be a cop. Being a cop was a very serious matter but then again he just couldn't take anything seriously. The fact that he was having so much fun out of it annoyed her in every possible way. But the thing which she hated the most in Castle was the fact that he liked sticking his nose where it didn't belong. He would constantly ask her personal questions and he just wanted to know more and more about her and that was just so frustrating.

But it wasn't just his constant questions that annoyed her so much - it was the fact that his mouth would never shut up, not even for a second. Even if he wasn't overwhelming her with his questions or just blabbering about something, he would be telling a story. And Kate hated his endless stories just as much as she hated his questions. She had stories too but doesn't go around telling them to everyone. Every time Castle would open his mouth and say: "There was this time," she would get an overwhelming desire to punch him on the face just to make him stop. But even if he wasn't telling one of his never-ending stories he would be theorizing about a case. And she hated his theories just as much as she hated everything else about him. Oh, how much she hated it when he was theorizing! He would say the most ridiculous thing in the world - the widest speculation he could think of - and actually believe in it. And that was just beyond annoying. She hated his theories and she hated it even more when he would start convincing her in his wild speculations - he was just getting under her skin. But his annoying behavior wasn't the only thing she hated in him because she just hated his appearance too. She hated his body, his voice, his scent, his blue eyes. She hated even the way he dressed and the way he walked - everything about him annoyed her. Words couldn't describe the hate she felt for the best-selling author. He just pushed her buttons the way that no one else could and that was a bad thing, right?

Kate hated Nikki Heat too. She hated the fact that Castle based a character on her even though she didn't want him to - she have never asked for it. She hated even more that Castle wrote a sex scene between them in the first Nikki Heat book. Well, maybe it wasn't that bad, she thought to herself, remembering the scene in her head. It was indeed a really steamy scene. She got a bit carried away, distracted by the picture in her mind from the racy scene in the book. But then she remembered - she was listing the reasons she hated Castle. She hated him so much! She hated even the way he looked at her. She knew what he was thinking when he was watching her so intently. Even though she couldn't read thoughts she could see what he was thinking about just by the look on his face. His deep blue eyes and boyish smirk gave it all away. And she didn't need to read his mind because his book - or more precisely the sex scene in the book - was another evidence of his deepest desires.

But Kate actually didn't know who she hated more Castle or the actress who'd play Nikki Heat - Natalie Rhodes or whatever her name was. She was so annoying - even more than Castle himself, - just one pretentious actress that wanted to imitate every move and mannerisms of her own. Kate didn't hate her right away though - at first, she actually liked Natalie and also liked the idea of having the actress following her around. She even felt flattered by the whole idea. Like she said to Castle, she had already gotten used to being shadowed by someone so she didn't see any problem with that. If she could manage bearing annoying person like Castle who would constantly be pulling her pigtails then she would be able to manage being followed by Natalie just fine. That was what she thought at first but then Kate slowly started hating the actress. Seeing how much more attention Natalie attracted to herself, especially from Castle was so frustrating and Kate just hated it. But mostly, Kate hated the sickness she felt deep in her stomach when she saw Castle and Natalie kissing in the elevator. She just wanted to throw up. For a minute there Kate even wished she was at her place. She wished she was the one kissing Castle on the lips... Wait, no! What?! She wished she could punch him on the lips. Punch him on the lips not kiss him! Or maybe not... She wasn't so sure anymore. She wasn't even sure if Castle was as bad as she thought. She started having second thoughts about the matter when she caught herself wishing to kiss him again.

Maybe Castle wasn't that bad after all, she thought. And maybe she didn't hate him - hate was way too strong word to describe the feeling she felt for him. Sometimes he was bearable. And sometimes - just on rare occasions - she even liked him. She couldn't deny that sometimes he would act nice and sweet, but just on a very rare occasions. Maybe she didn't hate his jokes because honestly, some of them were really funny. She had to confess to herself that was fun to be around Castle because he had a great sense of humor. He would casually make her laugh but that of course, didn't mean anything. She couldn't say that she hated his theories so much, too. Maybe she didn't hate it when he was theorizing because some of his theories would often help her solve the case. So maybe, just maybe, she found him sufferable. And she couldn't deny, even though she wanted it very much, that Castle was funny and attractive and sometimes kind and really sweet. But of course, it didn't mean that she liked him. Or maybe she liked him just a tiny little bit.

So maybe she didn't hate Castle but she still hated Natalie though. She felt something deep inside her that just broke her heart when she saw the two of them kissing. She felt something she haven't felt before. Jealousy. She was jealous of Castle. She was so irritated that he preferred the "fake" Nikki Heat over her. Kate was just annoyed that Castle chose the fictional version of her even though she was right there in front of him. And Natalie was just a copycat who stole her mannerism, her posture, and even her coffee. The actress had stolen everything that Kate had and was about to steal something else - her boyfriend. No! Did she just called Castle her boyfriend? She meant her partner, not her boyfriend. But on top of that, Natalie asked Kate to give permission to Castle to sleep with her! She had the audacity to ask for such a thing straight into her face! But if Kate was telling anything to Castle then it would be exactly the opposite - not to sleep with her. At least, she was glad and even relieved to find out that Castle hadn't slept with Natalie but she was still very frustrated at the actress and with the whole conversation they had. In fact Kate was so annoyed with Castle that she even asked him straightforwardly why he hadn't slept with her. She had been asking herself this question so many times over the years. But then she covered her question and smoothed herself out of it by saying that she meant Natalie, not herself. Even though the actress did tell her that Castle had feelings for her, she wasn't even sure because he had never shown any signs of affection or at least, not any that Kate had noticed. And the actress also told her that Kate herself had feelings for him but that was a pure lie, was it? How could Natalie possibly know about her feelings, not that she had any though...

But if Natalie was right it meant that Kate had feelings for Castle. She couldn't deny that she liked him... a lot. Not only she liked him but she also cared about him and felt jealousy when he was with someone else but her. So maybe she had feelings for him and even loved him. She liked his smile, his sense of humor, his appearance. He was very smart and as he would usually say "ruggedly handsome". Sometimes he would act so sweet that it just warmed her heart. But even if she liked him and truly cared about him she still hated him. She hated it when he would start teasing her and when he would act cockily around her. He would tease her, torture her and push her buttons the way no one else could and that was just maddening. He would do annoying things just to test the limits of her patience every single day. But she still loved him.

So Kate was torn apart between love and hate. She really hated Castle but even though she was finding it hard to admit it even to herself, she loved him just as much as she hated him. People say there is a very thin line between love and hate and maybe it was true. Maybe she was in love with him but she also hated him so much sometimes. She wanted to punch him and kiss him at the same time. The line between love and hate she felt for Castle was really thin and fragile - just like her patience.

 _So, what do you think of it? Did you love it or hate it? Please write reviews and let me know what do you think about it._


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